feeling guilty no more

From the pictures we have of Sam, several things are apparent.  He's well-fed, happy, healthy, and loved, which we are so very thankful for!  Sometimes though when I look at these pictures, I feel guilty--guilty for taking him away from everything he knows, guilty for taking him away from a woman who loves and cares for him, guilty for the grief he'll experience.

Last Tuesday, I met some pretty awesome adoptive moms.  We had a wonderful time getting to know one another and talking about our favorite little people.  But, the best part of the night was the prayer one mom offered on my behalf because it unexpectedly wiped away those secret feelings of guilt.

In her prayer, she asked God to let Sam know that we're coming for him and will give him what's missing--a forever family.  What a wonderfully sweet prayer!  Bringing Sam home will be difficult, causing him to grieve for all that he's lost, but it will also mean that he's come home to a mom and dad who will love and care for him all the rest of our days.

Mans Best Friend!

Well, I figured I was due for a blog post/letter to Sam. This has been on my mind for a few days.

Sam, every little fella needs a dog. Not just any dog but a good outside, play & wrestle with, follow you around protector kind of dog. When I was young I had a Australian Sheppard named Lady. I would play with her every day and she would follow me everywhere I went on my bike and stay with me until I came home. If I had stayed at a friend's house down the road, she would stay at their front door until I walked out.  Every person in our family has and will always had dogs. Its a part of our family. I was really hoping you would get to know and play with Splash. She was my buddy, I've had her since just before Sarah and I got married. No matter what biblical scholars may say, I hope the ole saying is true and that all dogs go to heaven. I've never had a dog like Splash she was very special to Sarah and I. When we moved to Tennessee she came with us and lived in our apartment. Sarah would say when I started going on tour Splash would not eat for days and sleep in front of the door waiting for me to get home.  When we moved into our first house from the apartment Splash got to move outside and live in a large pen with a shop/barn as shelter. She loved being outside after living inside for 5 years. When we bought the house there was one thing in the shed where Splash would live. It was an old wooden chair. No one knows this but in addition to feeding and playing the occasional game of rope (aka tug of war) with her most every day, I would sometimes go sit in that old chair and talk to her like she was a human. It may sound goofy, but not to me. She would sit beside me and when I had something on my mind, it always helped just sitting out there and telling Splash about it. I know she had no idea what I was saying, but she did a great job of listening.

I tell ya all this because I want you to know the love and respect having a dog can teach you. They can teach you many things as a little guy growing up. They can be your best playmate as you play things like war in the yard. They can be your wrestling partner, napping partner, and guardian at times. I can't wait for you to experience those things.

When you get here we will spend many hours playing with Cain and Pepper the big Newfoundlands, whom will be bigger than you until you're probably in high school. And if your anything like me, they will be one of your closest companions. Remember your dog isn't just a dog, it's your most loyal friend.

where expectations fade into the background

I had quite a few expectations for this Fall.  The colors, temperatures, and activities unique to Fall were going to the be the backdrop for our season of firsts.

There was going to be shopping expeditions to find the perfect costume for the church Harvest Fest.

Birthday party planning was going to be taking place at a frenzied pace.

Saturday  morning Panera dates with the cutest little boy on the planet were going to happen.

 That same cute little boy, clad in purple and gold, would be cheering for the Tigers alongside his daddy.

The countdown to Christmas would be experienced through the eyes of a two year old.

The transition from family of 2 to family of 3 was supposed to be in full swing.

Fall is here, and with it came a host of unmet expectations.  Disappointed doesn't even begin to describe it.

I know I'm not the first, nor the last, person on this planet who has experienced disappointment so deep that an ache develops in one's soul.  But, what's the remedy for an ache in the soul?  Where do you go when life leaves you weary of waiting for expectations to be fulfilled?  What do you do when you feel like a hope deferred is the only kind of hope that you have?

It's to the Father that I must go--taking the disappointments, expectations, and weariness with me.  It's here that I'll learn to trust His timing and His plan for our family; only then will my expectations fade into the background as I wait on Him.

a note for sam

Sam,
New pictures of your sweet, smiling face came today!  Nothing makes our hearts happier than seeing our favorite little boy looking healthy and happy.  I was a bit taken aback at how big you look though.  That "baby" look all toddlers have is quickly fading in you, and you're looking more and more like a big boy.  Of course, this is what's supposed to happen, so you're growing and changing like all children do. But, I must admit that it's bittersweet since we want to have you here with us while you're doing all this changing and growing!  There's no telling when we're finally going to get "the call," but I pray everyday that it won't be much longer before I pick up the phone and hear, "It's time to go get your boy."  Until that call comes, your daddy and I will continue getting your room ready with all the things needed by little boys :).

The wait for your arrival has been longer than we expected or ever imagined it would be.  BUT, there's not anything we would do differently. You are our first choice, the child of our heart, and loved to the moon and back!!  We would wait forever if that's what it took to finally be able to bring you home.

Love you, sweet boy!

another special delivery for our boy

Because of the families traveling to attend court or pick up their babies, we are able to send packages to Sam.  While this is a very good thing, it's also a bittersweet reminder.  Shopping for Sam is one of my favorite things, but I always end up realizing that I am buying him things that I won't see him wear or play with.

Although my mind knows that this will come to an end soon and we'll have him home, there are days where my heart can't seem to get on the same page as my mind.

So, while I'm working on getting my mind and heart to come together, here's another gallon-sized gift being sent across the world to a little boy whom we love more than there are words.

inch by inch, things are moving.

Good news came today for several families who are ahead of us (they're group 3; we're group 5) in the process.  Their paperwork has come out of the government, so they are now waiting to receive their court date!  Hopefully, this means that we're going to come out of the government soon!

I know that my heart desperately needs the waiting to end soon; we are ready to bring our sweet boy home and would love to do that before he's old enough to enroll in college ;).

We would LOVE to be able to travel for our court date before the year is out.  For this to happen, we would need for our paperwork to come out in the next several weeks.  Would you join with us in praying specifically for this?

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16