I wish I could tell you that being adopted is easy and that no struggles will come because of it. Unfortunately, sweet boy, this is not the truth. Being adopted will not always be easy, and there will be times when struggles arise because of it. Know that your dad and I will do everything possible to help you carry any burden you may have.
One of the struggles that may result will come in the form of questions people ask you. These questions may come from kids or adults, and they may or may not be well-intentioned. Your dad and I won't always be able to follow you around and help you over hurdles; as you get older, you will gradually become more and more independent. So, we want you to be prepared for the hard questions that may come your way and confident that you can handle it.
Some questions that you may hear are:
"Why didn't your real mom keep you?" or "Is that your real mom?"
Just reading these questions, makes my heart hurt, so I can't imagine how they would make you feel. The best responses to these questions are--"that's private, and I don't have to tell you." As for me being your real mom or not, ask them if they think I'm pretend. (Last time I checked, I am a real person.) Really, though, you don't have to answer at all. It's totally okay to walk away without saying anything.
"My parents said adoption is expensive. How much did you cost?"
The truth is, Sam, that adoption is expensive, but don't ever let that make you feel guilty or bad in any way. Nothing in this world comes without great cost, and you are worth it all!! Again, don't feel like you have to answer this. You can walk away without answering, or you could tell them that it's impolite to talk about money matters according to your Southern, manners-loving mother. ;)
"Wow, your parents couldn't have children of their own. That's sad."
The only answer for this is that YOU ARE OUR VERY OWN. I want you to know that deep down in your soul and cling to it whenever someone asks you a question like this. Children do not have to be biological to be someone's "own." You could answer telling them that, or of course, you could just walk away.
"Why don't you look like your mom or dad?"
The long and short of this is that we're white and you're Asian. Don't be ashamed of your heritage; you were uniquely created by God for a purpose, and you were created in His image the same as us. You could answer by saying that you're adopted, or you got it--you could just walk away.
"Is that your real sister/brother?"
Only God knows if you're going to have a sister/brother, and if He does bless you with one, I guarantee it will be a real sibling. I've never known of him handing out pretend siblings. Remember, biology does not dictate "realness."
"What are you?"
I would reply, "well, I'm a child, of course." But, this is not what they're meaning. They want to know your race when they ask this. Again, I want you to be proud of your heritage and the fact that you're Korean; however, if you don't want to share that, you don't have to. You could tell them that you were born in Korea and only speak Southern, and/or you could shoot a few fun facts about Korea at them to take the focus off them asking private questions and put it on something easier to talk about. As always, never feel obligated to answer.
With everything in me, I want to shield you and protect you from the difficult things in life, but God doesn't want us to parent that way. He doesn't parent His children that way either. Instead, He loves us through the good times and bad; He's a constant source of strength and help; He's our strong tower when we need it most. Your dad and I will do our best to parent the way God does. We will be a source of strength and help for you. We'll be a refuge and strong tower when you need it. And, most of all, we'll lead you to the One who is a refuge like no other!
Love you, sweet boy, more than you know!
No comments:
Post a Comment