house rules

My sweet Sam,
You've been home for three weeks now--three wonderful weeks!  We're amazed at how quickly you're settling in, but there are a few things we need to discuss with you in regards to say, um...rules.

Rule #1:  When we offer you food, there's no time limit on the offer.  This means there's no need for you to spit the food out of your mouth you're currently chewing in order to get the food being offered.
Rule #2:  The neutral color of our walls may seem like they need some color, but trust me when I say--they don't.  You're beautiful drawing belongs on paper and not the walls.  It's important for you to understand this, Mr. Pipsqueak Picasso; otherwise, you'll go from Pipsqueak Picasso to a mini Mr. Clean.
Rule #3:  The bathroom sink is not hungry and does not have a mouth; it does, however, have a drain.  And, anything put down this drain is lost forever, including your toothbrush.  So, no more putting things down the drain.  Got it?  Good!
Rule #4:  Even though there are times that I feed you a few bites of food, there's no need to return the favor.  Therefore, it's really not necessary to feed me, especially when we're having spaghetti.  Now, maybe one day, when I'm old and gray, I'll probably need your help with feeding myself, but until then, I'll take care of it without any assistance.
Rule #5:  I've never seen a two year old who has a mustache, so I'd appreciate it if you waited until you're older to experiment with what you would look like with one.  And when you do--many, many years from now--my purple pen will not be what you use to draw one on your lip.
Rule #6:  We're all in agreement that Pepper has lovely black fur, and we're all in agreement that she does not need highlights given by you with sidewalk chalk.  So, keep the sidewalk chalk for writing on sidewalks.
Rule #7:  Like you, Pepper likes peanut butter; however, she does not need to eat peanut butter off your spoon.  She doesn't ever need to eat anything off of your spoon, and most importantly, you don't need to eat off the spoon that you let her eat off of.  (Yes, I saw this happen...I know you thought I was occupied with the dishes, but I see everything ;).

Take these and study them because there may be a quiz at a later date.
Love,
your totally cool and awesome parents